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Listening to Our Bodies ~They Know More than We Do!

6/30/2020

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Our body holds much of the information we need to function at our best, but too often we ignore its messages and plow ahead with what our minds tell us. Perhaps because we’re not taught from early on to pay attention to internal messages as well as external demands, we frequently ignore our body’s communications.
So we take another extra-strength aspirin rather than investigating what’s causing our head to ache. We use more caffeine or sugar to give us a lift when we feel tired, rather than hearing our body’s message about needing rest or recognizing our fatigue as an early symptom of burnout we’d do well to heed. One look at our pets may be all we need to see the value of naps.
We fail to take into account the thousand little messages communicated to us by how we’re holding ourselves: the mouth that’s pinched and tight rather than relaxed. The fact that our shoulders are up around our ears, the knot of tension in our stomach as we promise to do something when closer consideration might tell us we are already over-extended.
These days we’re notorious for putting deadlines ahead of the protests of aching bones or inadequately nourished bellies. (Is there hidden wisdom in calling a due date a deadline in the first place?) Instead of asking our body what it wants, we go for the quick fill-up or the comfort food that may be the last thing we really need.
Here are some ideas to give your body equal say in how you use it:
  • Start with the breath. Breathing consciously is a major part of body awareness. Turn off thoughts and just let yourself experience the inflow and outflow of the breath. Label them: in, out, in out or count your breaths coming in and try to make them equal when you exhale. ie: in, one…two…three…four…five…etc. and out, one…two...three…four...five…etc. This exercise alone will help you get in the present moment, calm you from anxiety, anger or frustration. And, you can do it anywhere.
  • Allow yourself quiet time. Sit for ten minutes just observing yourself, even (especially!) in the middle of a busy day. Meditate. (A great app for this is HeadSpace or Insight Timer.) Take a walk or a nap. Allow time to do nothing. Soak in a hot tub rather than taking a quick shower
  • Get a massage from a loved one since during COVID your regular massage therapist is not available). It can wake up the whole nervous system and help you tune in.
  • Use your journal to dialogue with your body. Ask your body how it’s feeling, what it wants, what’s going on. Give that sore wrist or stiff lower back a voice and let it tell you what its message is. Use Louise Hay's book - Heal Your Body. The book gives a reference to your pain area with what could be the issue and an affirmation to change your thinking.
  • Eat when hungry, sleep when tired. Take a week and really pay attention to your body’s most basic needs. Notice your real rhythms for eating and sleeping to conform to the habits you’ve established? If they don’t, change them!
  • Do a body inventory to relax. Start with your toes and work upwards. Scan your body from the inside. Or try tensing each part slightly, then relaxing it to release residual tension.
  • Practice mindfulness. Get used to tuning in to your physical self, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing.
  • And if your body suggests rolling down a grassy hillside, taking flight on a playground swing, or skipping down a winding path, why resist? Its impulses hold the key to our well-being!
Yellow Brick Road Coaching used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
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Hindsight is 2020

5/30/2020

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Imagine its December 31, 2020. When you look back over the year, what do you want to remember? Will we continue to live in the past wanting what was, used to be or in the future still creating from the past, what we know? 

Will you recall all the challenges and struggles in which there are (and will be) plenty and re-live the pain like you’ve always done? OR is it possible like this video you will remember those challenges, and instead discover you knowingly or unknowingly created a new norm for yourself and your family (friends are families we choose)? Did you discover how to play again, inexpensively or free? Did you take time to lay back and look at the clouds or stars and remember simpler times? Did you discover an artistic side to yourself that you had forgotten? Might you have learned how to cook...again...or for the first time? Did you take time to learn something new either about the world with a TED talk or documentaries? Did you take an online class with others? Did you figure out your gifts and come up with a way to give back that served your soul? Did you learn how to laugh again at something simple? Did you learn to cry with your children or loved ones? Did you go within and learn how to quiet your thoughts or sooth yourself like we had to learn to do when we were children? Did you reconnect with your children who may be young adults now? Did you learn tolerance for yourself and others? Did you discover how to love yourself so you can love others?

This global experience is being felt around the world and in many different ways.

So, I ask you…
​

What are you doing with the rest of 2020? I understand one-day-at-a-time is more important now than maybe any other time in your life. Yet, if you do something different, learn something new, experiment with a new idea, and no matter how small what will you say about yourself and how you thrived through this time? Hindsight is 2020!

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Life is Now a Blank Canvas...What Will You Create?

4/30/2020

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I won’t kid you this question is a challenge for me. With the onset of COVID-19 and such uncertainty now, it makes me wonder what the 2.0 version of our world will look like. What will this 2.0 version feel like? Sure world peace, world hunger, climate change, power shifts would all be wonderful. Yet, the idea that we are waving a flag and life just begins where it left off feels like a disservice to all the suffering we’re all enduring.

     - Whether it’s now working from home.
     - Or no work at all.
     - Figuring out groceries and how to get food. Where to get food.
     - Did our collective world shut down just to start up where we left off?

Gosh, I hope not.

So, it leaves us with a blank canvas. Wondering. Exploring. Possibilities. Dreaming. Wanting.

Some days, it’s just too much news, so I turn it off, but not all family members want to turn it off, so I turn on a podcast or music instead. I get to choose (and protect) how I want to feel and NOT be influenced by everything that is happening around me or in the world.
COVID-19 Tip #1:
Find three things you can appreciate about your day.
Write them down. Keep it going.
 
With this blank canvas now upon us...let’s get together via Zoom and create a new world; a new you. A new 2.0 highest version of you, after COVID.
Let’s imagine that as our world evolves, we do too. This new 2.0 version has us jump-starting our lives in ways we never thought possible.
I have an invitation for you/us to go deeper by joining my workshop series around the challenges you are facing in your daily life working (or not) from home. If you feel stuck, you’re most likely trying to figure out “how” to do something.​

Join me for 4 Thursdays,
every other week starting April 30th,
at 3:00 pm EDT via Zoom.

REGISTER HERE
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Taking Control When So Much Feels Out of Your Control

3/30/2020

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I’ve shared this tool before, but it feels more important now as “our world” collectively feels like it is spinning out of control while grinding to a halt. You may be feeling anxious, fearful, and possibly isolated with the havoc this virus is causing?

While there are guidelines for taking care of yourself physically, like hand-washing, I’d like to share a tool you can use for your emotional welbeing that is free, easy, and immediately at your disposal. This is one thing we don’t often do, and that is focus inward instead of the typical outward approach we use to “fixing” things.

As a society that enjoys instant gratification, this tool is simple to do and the results are immediate. This tool may even become the magic pill you need to get through this time.

While the “formal version” of this tool is to sit quietly with your eyes closed, withmost of us isolating in our homes it may prove challenging to find any privacy if you live with others. So, another way to use this tool is to go into the bathroom, sit on the toilet lid, shut the door and run the water for a moment while you do this. Even your car is a possibility.

Formal version:
  • Sit down
  • Close your eyes
  • Rest your hands on your lap or thighs
  • Take a big inhale and focus your mind on the breath; follow your breath all the way in as you count to 4; 1-1000, 2-1000, 3-1000, 4-1000.
  • Then hold that breath for 4 counts; 1-1000, 2-1000, 3-1000, 4-1000.
  • Exhale through your mouth for 4 counts using the same count method
  • *Repeat 2 more times.

What do you notice? How do you feel now? What is different?

Simple version:
  • Repeat the breathing exercise above by stopping whatever you are doing in the moment without even closing your eyes. Note, however, that closing them enables you to focus because you block out any other stimulus the eyes may take in. Do it right in the moment if you feel anxious, worried or notice fear creeping in.

If you can’t reach the breathing count, simply shorten the breaths until you are able to expand beyond 4 counts to 8 counts or perhaps 12 counts depending on your lung capacity. The idea is NOT to make yourself pass out, so be gentle with yourself.

Hopefully what you’ll achieve by using this tool, bringing fresh air into your brain and lungs, is to put yourself in a calmer place to make better choices/decisions. By focusing on the breath, you place yourself in the moment, instead of the future, which often feels negative, immediate and certain, in particular if you watch/listen or read any news. Focused breathing enables you to be in the moment, which is the only moment you have ANY control over. This is called practicing stillness. It takes time to achieve fully, yet using the short version of this tool will give you a new start of “beingness” through the stress. Do this breathing exercise several times a day, and over time you will start to notice feeling more calm, clarity and control.

Many of us already live stressful lives, without taking the time to go inward and consider our own health and wellbeing. I ask you...if not NOW, when?
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(Disclaimer: I have used this technique with many of my clients over the years and they have often reported feeling calmer in the moment and over time, even more so. I hope this tool can bring you some peace as well.)
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Live With (and Love) Yourself

2/28/2020

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Mary thinks she’d be happy if she could just change her weight, her looks and her job. Sean believes that he’s an okay person except for certain personality traits, such as anxiety, impatience and his quick temper. Yolanda’s shelves are bulging with self-improvement books; she’s read them all, but she still hates herself.

Who among us doesn’t believe that with a little tweaking, we could be just right—self-realized, self-actualized and self-helped to just short of perfection? But, the problem for many is that all the books, self-improvement tips and positive affirmations don’t seem to make us any happier. Worst of all, the minute we “fix” one (so called) ugly piece of ourselves, another nasty monster rears its head and starts screaming for attention.

When does self-help become self-hell? What would happen if we simply started realizing how wonderful we already are?

As the pioneering psychologist Carl Rogers once wrote, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” writes Tara Brach, in her book, Radical Acceptance. “The more we anxiously tell ourselves stories about how we might fail or what is wrong with us or with others, the more we deepen the grooves—the neural pathways—that generate feelings of deficiency.” She lists common ways people try to manage this pain of inadequacy:
  • Anxiously embarking on one self-improvement project after another.
  • Holding back and playing it safe rather than risking failure.
  • Withdrawing from our experience of the present moment.
  • Keeping busy.
  • Becoming our own worst critics.
  • Focusing on other people’s faults.
“Convinced that we are not good enough, we can never relax,” Brach writes. “We stay on guard, monitoring ourselves for shortcomings. When we inevitably find them, we feel even more insecure and undeserving. We have to try even harder.”

Accepting yourself does not mean self-indulgence or being passive. Rather it means turning off the shameful, negative, self-loathing tapes within you and just relax.

The blaring voices of our culture certainly don’t help, with promises that buying something, owning something, achieving something will make us better people, that success is measured by looks, wealth or possessions. A healthier life finds deeper meaning and greater satisfaction in self-love, compassion, intuition, taking responsibility and forgiveness (particularly of oneself).

Sometimes it is our so-called faults that can actually lead us to a healthier life. Pioneering psychologist Carl Jung called it our “shadow side,” that part in all of us we are ashamed of and that we often reject. Understanding and accepting that shadow side can lead to enormous freedom and self-acceptance.

Science and research have revealed much about what we can and cannot change about ourselves, according to Martin Seligman, Ph.D., author and Director of Clinical Training in Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. “Some of what does change is under your control, and some is not,” he writes in his book, What You Can Change and What You Can’t: The Complete Guide to Self-Improvement.

Seligman lists some characteristics that are easier to change, such as everyday anxiety, specific phobias, panic, anger and certain beliefs about life. He advises people to discard the notion of changing that which hurts the most (for example, your extra weight) and instead concentrating on those parts of yourself that will respond most successfully to your efforts to change them (for example, your shyness or impatience with your spouse).

In the end, all the energy we put out to change ourselves may just take us back to where we started—to ourselves. And if we can truly accept ourselves as we are, that’s the best place to be.

Five Ways to Love Yourself
  1. Stop criticizing yourself. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.
  2. Be gentle with yourself. Praise yourself and support yourself. Have compassion for yourself.
  3. Love your negatives. Acknowledge that they fulfilled a need and now you don’t need them anymore.
  4. Take care of yourself. Take care of your body in the ways that please you.
  5. Do it now. Don’t wait until you get well, or get sick, or lose the weight or get the new job or the new relationship. Begin now. And do the best you can.
—from Heal Your Life by Louise Hay


Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
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Are You Living Your Own Life?

1/30/2020

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Fulfillment in life is related to how well you are living in alignment with what’s truly important to you. Do your decisions emerge from the essence of who you are—not from who you think you should be?

Take this quiz to see how well you are living a life that is of your own making.
1. I have spent time thinking about what’s important to me, and I can articulate those things. True or False?
2. While I have been influenced by my parents, teachers, society and other outside forces, I don’t live their values and beliefs, I live my own. My own values and beliefs come from deep inside me. True or False?
3. I am not easily swayed by others’ opinions. I know my own mind. True or False?
4. In order to remain open and flexible, I am willing to re-examine my opinions and beliefs to determine whether something is still true for me. I am interested in other points of view and perspectives. True or False?
5. My spouse/partner is a good match for me. We share in a way that pleases me and have an ideal amount of separate space. We don’t have to agree on everything. True or False?
6. I chose my occupation, or choose to remain in it, because it most closely utilizes my skills, strengths and passions. True or False?
7. I also choose my friends. I don’t go along with a friendship that doesn’t feel right just because that person pursued me. True or False?
8. Any spirituality I practice feeds my soul. True or False?
9. I have aspirations. I spend time thinking about them and taking action toward those that are most important to me. True or False?
10. Anyone looking at my life from the outside would see what I value. True or False?
11. When I or a family member is sick, I listen to the appropriate health care provider. If the advice doesn’t feel right, I get a second opinion. True or False?
12. On the rare occasion when I let someone break a boundary or persuade me to do something I don’t want to do, as soon as I’m aware of it, I take steps to stop and correct the situation. True or False?
​

If you answered false more often than true, you may wish to clarify what is truly important to you and then find ways to bring your life into greater alignment with those values. Please don’t hesitate to call if you’d like support in doing this!


Author’s content used under license, © 2011 Claire Communications
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Letting Go

12/30/2019

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To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off...
It's the realization that I can't control another. 
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another. 
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.


~ Author Unknown
(Used during Workshop for Women Series Dec 2019 - Letting Go)
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Let Go and Give Thanks!

11/30/2019

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Well, the holidays are gaining on us fast and the stress of trying to do all that needs doing before, during and after can leave us holding onto too much, while forgetting to be grateful for much else.

Maybe you’re holding onto a past resentment or two about a particular family member that you will hopefully avoid sitting next to at Thanksgiving Dinner or during Hanukkah or Christmas Dinner. Those holidays are just around the corner too.

Perhaps that sense of overwhelm with too much to do and too little time to get ‘er done is beginning to take over your thoughts and you’re already feeling that sense of dread building.
Here are a few tips to let go and give thanks instead.

First, when you notice the emotion of overwhelm or dread, stop and breathe. Yes, intentional deep breathing can have an instant impact on our psyche.
Here’s how to do it.
  1. Take three of the deepest breaths you have ever taken.
  2. When you can’t inhale any more air/oxygen, hold it at the top for just a second or two.
  3. Exhale each breath slowly.
  4. Do this three times.
  5. Try it now so you know what I’m talking about.
  6. What did you notice? A sense of calm? Peace? Slowing down of your heart rate? Did you notice a change in where your shoulders are now? Still up by your ears, or back to where they are meant to be, shoulder height?

Second, be grateful for something general, in the moment, after you do the breathing exercise.
  • You could be grateful for the fact that you remembered to breathe at that moment.
  • You could be grateful for the blue sky, or grey sky or dark sky.
  • You could be grateful for the wonderful relationships you have with (a specific friend/family member/animal).
  • You may choose to be grateful for your favorite sports team winning a game or being with your children on this day.
​
Keep it general, having nothing to do with any of the holidays. Simply find gratitude for your eyes being able to read this. Your ears for hearing someone say I love you. Get me?
Gratitude goes a long way in helping us improve our thoughts and feelings around what can be a challenging time for many.
This Thanksgiving season, however, you now have a tool to help get you through any stress or overwhelm.

Gobble! Gobble!

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What If...

11/10/2019

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What if when you woke up you decided “today is going to be a really good day”?

What if today you choose to believe that “others, when they show up today will show you their excellence?”

What if today you believe “things are always working out for me”?

How might your life be different if you could find a more positive way to BE with yourself today?

Do we have to “allow” the traffic, or the significant other, or children, or co-worker, or project, or boss, or weather, or finances, or responsibilities, or commitments, or...or...or...have such a negative impact on us? Can we choose to believe that today will be different?

The good news or bad news, depending on your perspective and thoughts around this idea, is that YOU CAN if you think you can and YOU CAN’T if you think you can’t. Either way, you’ll be right.

So, I ask you...do you have the power within to think more positive thoughts that could shift your feelings and therefore shift your beliefs so your life can take on some more positive ways of being with you today?

Thanks for reading and please feel free to leave a comment or forward this to someone you think may benefit from knowing what else is possible.


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Sage, Not Age!

10/30/2019

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​Jenn was 51 years old. Living in Alewife, Massachusetts, her company was acquired, again and she was frustrated. Another happy face was going to be needed when meeting her new boss, who was two decades her junior. Jenn was sick and tired of being treated like someone who didn't know what they were doing, although she was a long-term, successful, seasoned employee.
Jenn often came home tired and complaining to her husband, Steve, about how disgruntled she felt and unappreciated. Job dissatisfaction had been going on for a while now, and she was at her wit's end. Even her two high school-aged children noticed her unhappiness with work, which left her depleted at home.
The company even dared to take some of her best clients and give them to the newer, younger account executives to help them feel more confident when they started with the company. How much more was she going to have to take?
  • Have you ever been in a situation like this?
  • Now that you are in your forties or older, do you see where your job is going?
  • Do you still feel relevant?
  • Are you so experienced that you're just going through the motions, or are you still passionately loving your job?
Jenn always enjoyed the relationships she had developed over the years with many of her clients. She loved solving their problems and coming up with solutions. Her job felt like a vast puzzle she got to solve daily for her customers.
Yet, the writing was on the wall that more change is a-comin', and it was time to do something else. But what? Jenn was scared. How would she help put her kids through college and save for retirement? What else was Jenn going to do at this stage in life? She had convinced herself that she could push through the challenges, yet after five years of driving what felt like a boulder up a mountain, Jenn knew she had to do something else.
Then she met with Elise, who had used a coach to help her through her job challenges in recent years. Elise found courage through the coaching process in knowing that she could create a new and different pathway for herself at the ripe age of 52, and so she embarked on a new adventure doing something completely fresh with the help of her coach.
Jenn wanted the same courage and confidence she heard from Elise, and she wanted to know how her coach might help her too. Jenn then reached out to the coach.
The coach offered an exploratory, confidential coaching experience that would quickly to put any reservations Jenn had to rest. Jenn would come to understand more clearly what her next step was and confidently envision a new future self, and what she wanted for this next chapter of her life. Jenn hired the coach.
As they worked together, Jenn discovered her confident self again and got some much-needed downtime to re-energize. She boldly turned in her resignation. As she and her coach worked through their action plan, Jenn realized she had put her own needs on the back burner of her life.
Fast forward, and Jenn has a new job working for a company and a boss that appreciate what she brings to the table; sage wisdom and experience.

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    Terri O'Donnell is a certified Life Coach. She is an honest, straight shooter who is dedicated to using her training and experience to help people live the life they desire.

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